i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
