He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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