This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If that was your dad, he is hot
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
