The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
