There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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