you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
