so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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