Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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