I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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