Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
