He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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