so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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