So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
