girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize