Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize