You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
