My boss' voice literally gives me gas
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
