Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
