I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
