I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am one with the molecules
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
