I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
this will be a night to untag.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
