I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
