Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
