He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
