Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
