did you get engaged???
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
