I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize