one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
