You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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