had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
