yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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