At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
