why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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