Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize