Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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