Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
