I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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