You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
