remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
