Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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