I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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