Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
