I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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