She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
