you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
