Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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