No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
