Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
