Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
