ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
