ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
