I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
