Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize