I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
