no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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