He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
