I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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