please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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