***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
