Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
