But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
