Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
