Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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